Okay so I know I need to update my blog and so bear with me as I try to fill you all in and sort out the many thoughts roaming around in my head.

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and changes. Last night I arrived in Texas with 2 body bags in hand. These body bags contain everything I will need for the next two years of my life. I’m not going to lie I felt a little weird waiting in
 line at the airport with these bags but all went well. This past week has definitely a hard week for me physically and emotionally. Physically I didn't get nearly enough sleep. As most of my friends will tell you my usual bedtime is 930 (yup I’m a loser) and usually I am up by 7a. Well let’s just say that over the past few weeks my average bedtime was 12a (thanks Annie..hehe jk) and wake up time was around 8am. Well low and behold my body didn't appreciate that much and now I am a little sick. Ugh! (PS read the directions on how to use Zicam before you use. Ouch!) And then emotionally this has been a tiring week because of the many hugs I have given to close friends and tears I have held back for those I will miss. All of these people will be in my prayers!
So now here I am about to start this adventure. Even though these past few weeks have been hard I know this is what God wants me to do.
To end this blog I would like to share with y’all (Texas is sinking in) a song that my Dad played at Immanuel Church with my church family hat totally hit my heart. The song is called “God of Justice”
God of Justice, Savior to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God
You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

Bittersweet

Bittersweet. This sums up exactly how I am feeling after going through my official last day of work today. I have been working at Mass General Hospital in pediatrics for almost four years now. The relationships that I have made with coworkers, families, and patients are something I will cherish forever. It has been such a blessing and honor working beside the most caring, loving, wise, and passionate people of Ellison 18. I will miss each and every person that I had the pleasure of working with and promise I will be praying for them all while I am away. Love you guys!

As I went through my day today it was more or less surreal. As I drove in this morning even though I knew it was my last day I wanted to make sure that I was a good nurse and was able to give the very best to each of my patients and their families. With only four hours left of my twelve hour day I was going pretty strong until the Butterfly song hit me… ughhh… One of my special little patients presented me with a thoughtful present and note along with a homemade vocal performance. These are some of the lyrics of the song she sang:
“And when I couldn’t sleep at night, scared things wouldn’t turn out right, you would hold my hand and sing to me. Caterpillar in the tree, how you wonder who you’ll be, Can’t go far but you can always dream.”
Listening to this patient sing these lyrics brought tears to my eyes, okay fine, and down my cheeks and maybe a couple on my shirt. I reminisced to the many days and nights I had taken care of this little one and listened as she talked about her worries and dreams. After finishing my shift and giving out a few more hugs to my friends and patients I slowly made my way home.
As I sat down at my computer I couldn’t actually figure out how I was feeling. Buzz buzz… (that’s the sound my phone makes when it rings on my kitchen table)… Well God decided to send me a little gift via a phone call from a good friend of mine. After talking with her I realized the thing that I am most sad about are the many relationships that I have made over these past four years. Now as for the staff that I have been working with we BETTER stay in touch or else (year that’s a threat). But I am most sad knowing that most of the patients and families that I have cared for over these past years I wont be able to keep in touch while I’m away. (insert sad face here)
I knew I needed some God encouragement so I looked up a verse that was just what I needed. Ephesians 2:10:
“For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
I know that God has bigger and better plans for me; plans that he has been brewing for quite awhile. Yes I am sad and will be sad about not being able to see and talk with the patients and families that I have been taking care of but I know that they all will be well taken care of. But what about all the kids and families around the world who don’t even have a doctor to go to or a nurse to talk to. We have each been created by God to do good works, which he actually has blueprinted out for each and everyone of us. For now, I believe God wants me to go to Africa. What is God calling you to do?
So to finish this update I will say that today was definitely bittersweet, but that I know that I am doing this for God and this is all in his hands. I need to look ahead to the path he has pointed me toward and go into this adventure with 100% of my heart and soul to bring him glory in all I do.

relaxation... or maybe not...

Definition of:
Relaxation~ abatement or relief from bodily or mental work, effort, application, etc.
So, I just got back from a week of relaxation in Miami with two of my best friends. You may be asking, what does relaxation entail? Personally for me this meant no work, no internet, minimal cell phone use, good conversation with friends, exercise, reading, and of course slleeepp. I am happy to say I was able to accomplish all of these things over this past week. Yay!
It is so funny how quickly we fall back into the swing of things once back home. Relaxation time is over and it is time that I put my butt in gear and finish up the many things I need to do before I leave. I fly out June 19th for my training for Mercy Ships, which means I have a little less than two months to finish all these things.

My TO DO list entails:
1. Finding a renter for my house
2. Planning Annie’s bridal shower and bachelorette party
3. Helping out with Annie’s wedding stuff
4. Getting together with friends before I leave
5. Spending time with my family
6. Quitting my job that I love and saying goodbye to coworkers and patients
7. Moving out of my house back to my parents
8. Legal stuff (making my Mom my power of attorney…pray for no midlife crises)
9. Purchasing clothes, bedding, laptop, camera, etc, that is Africa appropriate
10. Doctors appointments before I leave
11. Getting health insurance
And…
12…. preparing myself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically for not only everything I will experience in Africa, but also the things I will miss from home.

While I was away, and in my relaxation mode of reading, this one verse continually popped up and spoke to me time and time again throughout the Old Testament scriptures.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7~ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Okay so here I am getting all tied up and worried about my TO DO list, when all God asks of us is to LOVE and to follow him. God tells us to love him with everything that we are and in all that we do. Am I getting so caught up in all these details of my TO DO list that I am forgetting what God asks of me? He asks us to love Him and to live by His word. That means that as I go about my everyday life I need to put Him first not only when I am in relaxation mode but also when I go about my everyday life.

1 John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.”
I need to use the love that God gave me in my everyday life and put him first in all I do and say.