Molded, knitted, and deeply loved

Over the past month plus I have been taking an online nursing class (which accounts for me being MIA).  It’s a bit weird (and really hard) to be back in school as I get my rusty gears moving again.  The simple things that I once knew so well I am now having to google to refresh my memory.  For pretty much ALL of my free time (when Hailey is sleeping or with one of her ship aunties) I am studying and/or writing.  About two weeks ago I started feeling guilty (and overwhelmed) for putting SO much time into this class and felt like I could be using that time to read the Word and or fellowship with friends.   So I started praying about it (should have done that a lot earlier!) and God showed me that not only was it okay to take this class but that through this class (and the many others that will follow) I was finding out more about who HE is and how I can best serve him.

Our God, the creator of the sea and skies, of the mountains and stars and also the creator of mankind is almost too awesome for words.  He took each one of us like a potter with clay and formed our bodies (Isaiah 64:8).  He created our inmost being by knitting us together (Psalm 139:13).  Each little hair on our skin and cell in our body he made specifically for you and me.  And even more amazing than that is that before he formed us he KNEW us (Jeremiah 1:5).  Think about that for a second (or for days!)  He not only molded us and knit us together but he also knows and loves each one of us personally.  In fact he loved us SOO much he sent down his perfect Son to die for us so that we may be forgiven and live eternally with him.  What an amazing Father, Creator, and Savior we have.

Our ship is full of dedicated surgeons and nurses.  

          As I ponder these truths from a medical point of view I am further astonished at his majesty and wisdom.  I have been a nurse now for almost 8 years and am still in awe at the complexity and intricacies of the bodies God created for us, so perfectly.  Today there is much that we know about the body and much still yet to be understood.  Being on Mercy Ships has continued to stop me in my footsteps as I think about not only how God forms our bodies but also how he fixes our broken bodies.  Sometimes the body knows how to fix itself.  For example, if the arteries of the heart are clogged, sometimes a new path will form to ensure the heart keeps beating.  If our bodies are unable to do the trick then God has given wisdom and knowledge (for some disorders) to doctors who know how to help. I have witnessed his miraculous work often onboard the Africa Mercy.  The other day I had the privilege of seeing a surgery performed. Watching the surgeon and nurses skillfully remove a facial tumor was amazing.  Seeing facial tumors removed and smiles formed, twisted legs straightened, or missing parts of the face created are all due to the amazing power of God through those he chooses to work through.  I just stand in awe of Our great Physician.

Being back in scrubs felt so good
even if I was just to observe a surgery.

Personally these same truths have become clearer to me since becoming a mom.  While carrying Hailey for 9 months God was knitting her together in my womb.  But even before Hailey was born, he knew her and loved her.  He also knew that Greg and I would be the perfect parents for her.  As we watch Hailey grow it is amazing to see her little personality come out and to know that God made her that way.   I also have a glimpse of what God did for us as he sent his ONLY perfect and holy Son down to earth to suffer and DIE for us.  His one and only Son.  That truth hits a LOT deeper now that I have one of my own.  What love he has for us!  As I think on all of this I am reminded that even in these days of changing diapers or studying anatomy, God is at work in me.  I may not always understand exactly what he wants from me every day, but I trust he will be with me and guide me.  Being a full-time mom has been a new experience.  Trying to prepare for becoming a Nurse Practitioner is a challenge.  But this reflection on how amazing our God is has helped me refocus on just how much God loves me and will continue to guide and direct me in the uncertain days ahead.

            Back to the books I go, reminded that life will bring these questions and challenges as we each choose our footsteps each day.  May He be your constant guide and comfort as well.

Love.

“Martha, Martha..”

One of our 2 long flights

We arrived on the 29^th after a pretty uneventful journey.  Hailey did great on the flights and even helped me get over one of my biggest fears, twice; Changing a poopy diaper on an airplane (thankfully there was no turbulence).  Being back on the ship has been…. an adjustment.  I knew it was going to be but I guess I didn’t really take into consideration ALL of the changes we’d be going through.  One of the biggest things I didn’t really take into account was the big changes that Hailey would go through.  She is definitely missing her family and friends from home.

The first week of being back on the ship had been hard.  After serving on board as a nurse for over 3 years it’s weird to be back on a hospital ship and to instead be a 24/7 Mom (that can only hand over the pager if there’s enough milk available).  Being a nurse and an educator is all I have known since coming to the Africa Mercy so to switch from being Nurse Becca to Mom Becca has been a BIG transition.  As I walk by the hospital deck or see the patients waiting outside to be seen I feel disconnected and sad that I don’t have any of those connections compared to past outreaches. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a mom and being able to be with Hailey each day is a blessing but to be back on the ship and not having any patient care is hard.

Guinea Airport

One day last week as I sat quietly in my dark room hoping not to wake Hailey, my mind started mulling through all the big and small things that were troubling me: no nursing care, no health education, small living quarters, over stimulated baby, different food, no Nana-care, no Grandpa songs, no more running, no Dunkin Donuts pumpkin coffee with one sugar and extra milk.  Anxiety had set in and had invaded all my thoughts.  God why did you bring me back here?

As I sat, wallowing about my current situation, I decided to do my devotions.  The passage was from Luke 10: 38-42.  This is a familiar passage to myself and most likely to you as well but this time as I read it God spoke to me in a new way. 

Luke 10: 38-42 Martha and Mary ~ Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.   But Martha was distracted with much serving.  And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”   But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

After reading this I realized just how much I am like Martha but also how much I like being Martha.  I like to work and love to get out there and do.  Go, go, go.  When I came to Mercy Ships over three years ago I had signed up to be a nurse and fell in love.  But this outreach I’ve returned and all the things that I have loved about being a part of this ship I no longer do.  No patient care, no nursing duties, no teaching at churches or to dayworkers, no random trips out in town or to people’s houses.  “But Martha was distracted with much serving.”  Becca you are distracted by all these things, these tasks, these people, that you have lost sight of what is MOST important, Me. 

Ouch, but true.  Work is one of the ways that I find my identity.  I have been trying to use my talents and abilities to please Him when all I have to do is be with Him to please Him.  He is the one that has given me these abilities and he wants me to use them for his glory according to his time and not mine.

So what does Jesus want from me as I sit in this quiet dark room with my sleeping baby?  He wants me to spend time listening to him and “sitting at his feet.”  This can be a hard thing for a doer but I know when I do that the peace and joy he gives me will far outweigh that compared to when I do it without him in the forefront of my mind. 

This is a new season for me on the ship as I transition from being nurse to Mom but I am excited to see what God has to show me.  I can get so busy with things, tasks, and people that I don’t take quality time with my Lord and Savior.  I want to choose the good portion that will not be taken away from me. 

Family trip out in Conakry

First family fire drill

Jesus I pray that you will help me during this time to see you and only you in all I do.  Help me to be a woman of prayer and to be the best Mom that I can be.  Teach me more about who you are and who I am in you.  Spirit move in me in ways that I have never seen you move before.  I thank you and praise you Jesus for this time.  To God be all the glory forever and ever. Amen!

Thankfulness

         

As our time wraps up here and we get ready to go back to the ship I look back over the past 6 months and am filled with thankfulness to God.  What started off as a trip home to have our baby, turned into more than I could have ever imagined.  Reconnecting with friends, hanging out with my family, getting back involved with my church, working on visa papers with Greg, and recently taking part in a missions conference.  All of these events have enriched my life and blessed me beyond what I ever deserve. 

For all of you that didn’t know me before I left for the ship, I love being home.  I was the daughter that was never going to leave Massachusetts.  So when I left to go to Mercy Ships everyone, including myself, was surprised.  But I listened to His call and have not regretted a single day.  “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” --Frederick Buechner.  This is where God had called me and I found a deep joy and peace that I had never felt before.

So this past May when God opened the door for Greg and I came to the US, I was happy to come home and see people and of course have Hailey but I was also very excited about getting back to Africa. After having Hailey and seeing how wonderful it was to be around family and friends especially as she grows up my heart started to change.  With that realization, Greg and I decided not to apply for additional visitor visas but to go ahead with the green card.  Our lawyer explained that due to us being married for less than 2 years the process would require  that we would not be able to leave the country during that 2 year period. 

Becca’s reaction in June:  Ughh!

Becca’s reaction Now: Yipee!

Well God knew exactly what He was doing when He let us come home last May.  We went ahead with the green card but asked for an exception that would let us go back to Mercy Ships to finish our commitment with them and also say good-bye to our ship family.  Then we’ll come back next summer to finish the rest of the 2-year green card requirement.  :o)

God truly knows what is best for us even though we may not feel like He does or realize it yet.  My recent bible study stems from the verse “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; Indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.”  No matter what we have gone through or are going through, both good and bad, God has a purpose.  As children of God some things we will inherit while here on earth and the rest are being stored for us in heaven.  “Indeed I have a \beautiful inheritance.” 

Thank you God for your control over our lives and that your thoughts and ways are always higher than our own.  May we trust you more and obey you with our whole lives.