Who likes change?
Now my immediate answer is ‘Not me!’, but my life is based on change and uncertainty so I think subconsciously I LOVE change. (diagnosis: schizophrenic)
I knew coming into this outreach that there was going to be a lot of change. For starters I was no longer going to be a pediatric ward nurse. This year I would officially be working as a health educator. My whole nursing career has revolved around patient care and working in hospitals but I knew that God had placed the need for education in my heart and that I needed to step out in obedience. The second change was that due to this I would also be moving homes. I am now officially living off of the ship since my job will be mainly focused off of the ship. Last year I didn’t spend too much time on the ship because I loved being OUT in Africa. But I guess “the grass is always greener”. Living away from my ship family and friends has been hard but also having to commute to and from work everyday, sometimes in 2 hr plus traffic, really makes this change more difficult to accept. Another big change has been getting use to Sierra Leone. Yes it is an English speaking country, which is nice, but those that we are mainly treating speak Krio and small small English. So far, I have worked in Benin, Togo and Ghana. Sierra Leone is the first post war country that I have worked in and also the first country that is filled with NGOs offering ‘relief’. These two factors alone make this country a big change for me. These are the three BIG changes that I am being faced with but along with these changes come MANY other smaller changes that are definitely challenging me.
Now I wish I could tell you that I took each of these changes and adjusted quickly and smoothly BUT I am sad to say that my response was the other extreme. Things have been hard. These changes have been more than difficult for me. I am usually a very optimistic person and I have heard more negative thoughts pass through my head in this past month than over these 2 years of being away.
I was anxious, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, pissed off… these all sound like Godly characteristics right?! Shoot!! I did it again. I lost my focus. I had to put myself in time out and for a 27 year old that means 27 minutes in the corner. So off I went. I had to have an honest one to one with my DAD (the heavenly one) and pour out each frustration and sadness onto him. “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” And so I did, each one, I poured out to him and then he gave me just what he said he would, rest.
This year is going to be hard, I’ll tell you that right now. But I know that God is doing something in me, I know that God is going to do many things through me if I am willing to fully surrender my WHOLE life to him. (scary thought huh?). So here it is on blogspot.com my public confession that I am going to do my best to FULLY surrender my whole life to serving God.
I give you my whole heart, all my dreams, my life. I surrender it all to you. God I know in the past I have found my value, my pride in what I do but God I want to find my worth in You and only You. Let my delight be in serving you, in knowing you, in loving you. Help me to keep this promise. Help me to live each day for you.
To give you a glimpse of what my year will look like. I will be running three church leaders conferences each being four days long. The conferences will be based on empowering local churches to do holistic ministry, meaning not just spiritual ministry (which for African churches is usually the main focus) but also physical ministry. This is what I have been learning about during these past 5 months with CHE. These conferences will hold a total of 900 pastors/church leaders in three different counties in Sierra Leone. Also I will be teaching health education to all of our pre and post-operative patients at the HOPE center. This is the center where patients go to recover before going home. I truly believe this is a vital part of our ministry because no matter how many miraculous surgeries we do, if patients go home and die of malaria then we have missed something.
Both of these areas are HUGE challenges for me but with God in the center and with your prayers I know it’ll be totally awesome!!
As I end this blog and continue this new chapter in my life, I need your help. Whether you are my mom, sister, friend, or maybe even a complete stranger, you are reading this because God wants you to pray for me. I know this year is going to be a huge challenge for me but I have a feeling that this year is going to be amazing if I can stick to this promise.
A matter of belief
4 years ago