silence + becca =challenge

So maybe the pics don't depict how I've been feeling but in all honesty  this past week was A LOT harder then I had imagined.  I expected that sitting in a classroom for 8 hours a day might be a bit much, I thought that the Texas heat might be a little distracting, and I figured that some days would be harder than others, but I didn't think I would have all these feelings on day #4 of my 6 week training.  Eeek!

I knew I needed some prayers and fast.  So I sent out an email to my Barnabas prayer group (miss you girls) asking for some prayers and then I immediately called my parents.  Thankfully Mom was there and like usual was a listening ear and had some sound advice for me.  

Feeling a little better I then had to rush off to another meeting from 630-9.  At this point I was tired; tired of listening; tired of sitting; tired of the heat; tired of staying engaged; 100% tired.  Once the meeting was over I headed right for the door.  As I walked out one of our team leaders followed behind and asked me 'how I thought the week was going?'  Again I was REALLY tired and bluntly told him that I was having a hard time keeping focus and was getting easily distracted and annoyed with things.  Saying these things out loud made me realize how bad my attitude was and how much I needed to clean up my act.

That night I prayed for God to open my heart and mind so that I could understand what he was trying to teach me; I prayed for him to help me to ignore the many distractions and annoyances that kept popping into my head.  The next morning I prayed these same prayers and then my day began.  Ironically, the leader that I had talked to the night before was the first speaker and the subject was on prayer.  He talked about having purposeful and meaningful prayers.  He gave us a helpful guide of scriptures to walk us through our prayers.

I’m not going to lie at first I thought that this was pretty weird but then as I applied it to my prayer life I truly did feel like I was able to pray more effectively.  So the rest of Friday was great and I was recharged in being able to focus on what God was trying to teach me as I prepare to serve with Mercy Ships.  

On Saturday I was able to partake in my first silent retreat.  I was really excited to see what God was going to show me during this time. 'I will use you my child'  

During this time two scriptures really spoke to me: 2 timothy 2:21 and 2 timothy 3:16+17.  Now as most of you know it is reallllly hard for me to keep quiet.  Both of my parents and sister know this well and most of my friends and coworkers too.  Well these two passages talked about godless chatter (another weak spot of mine) and also to use the Word to help teach, correct, and train you to be able to do what God has called you to do.  

God definitely met my expectations during this retreat in silence with Him.

Driving home at the end of our little retreat I knew that these next few weeks would be challenging but as long as I’m putting God first He can help me through anything.  

Thank you for ALL your prayers they really do make a difference. You are all in my prayers! 


Okay so I know I need to update my blog and so bear with me as I try to fill you all in and sort out the many thoughts roaming around in my head.
These past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and changes. Last night I arrived in Texas with 2 body bags in hand. These body bags contain everything I will need for the next two years of my life. I’m not going to lie I felt a little weird waiting in
 line at the airport with these bags but all went well. This past week has definitely a hard week for me physically and emotionally. Physically I didn't get nearly enough sleep. As most of my friends will tell you my usual bedtime is 930 (yup I’m a loser) and usually I am up by 7a. Well let’s just say that over the past few weeks my average bedtime was 12a (thanks Annie..hehe jk) and wake up time was around 8am. Well low and behold my body didn't appreciate that much and now I am a little sick. Ugh! (PS read the directions on how to use Zicam before you use. Ouch!) And then emotionally this has been a tiring week because of the many hugs I have given to close friends and tears I have held back for those I will miss. All of these people will be in my prayers!
So now here I am about to start this adventure. Even though these past few weeks have been hard I know this is what God wants me to do.
To end this blog I would like to share with y’all (Texas is sinking in) a song that my Dad played at Immanuel Church with my church family hat totally hit my heart. The song is called “God of Justice”
God of Justice, Savior to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God
You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord