silence + becca =challenge

So maybe the pics don't depict how I've been feeling but in all honesty  this past week was A LOT harder then I had imagined.  I expected that sitting in a classroom for 8 hours a day might be a bit much, I thought that the Texas heat might be a little distracting, and I figured that some days would be harder than others, but I didn't think I would have all these feelings on day #4 of my 6 week training.  Eeek!

I knew I needed some prayers and fast.  So I sent out an email to my Barnabas prayer group (miss you girls) asking for some prayers and then I immediately called my parents.  Thankfully Mom was there and like usual was a listening ear and had some sound advice for me.  

Feeling a little better I then had to rush off to another meeting from 630-9.  At this point I was tired; tired of listening; tired of sitting; tired of the heat; tired of staying engaged; 100% tired.  Once the meeting was over I headed right for the door.  As I walked out one of our team leaders followed behind and asked me 'how I thought the week was going?'  Again I was REALLY tired and bluntly told him that I was having a hard time keeping focus and was getting easily distracted and annoyed with things.  Saying these things out loud made me realize how bad my attitude was and how much I needed to clean up my act.

That night I prayed for God to open my heart and mind so that I could understand what he was trying to teach me; I prayed for him to help me to ignore the many distractions and annoyances that kept popping into my head.  The next morning I prayed these same prayers and then my day began.  Ironically, the leader that I had talked to the night before was the first speaker and the subject was on prayer.  He talked about having purposeful and meaningful prayers.  He gave us a helpful guide of scriptures to walk us through our prayers.

I’m not going to lie at first I thought that this was pretty weird but then as I applied it to my prayer life I truly did feel like I was able to pray more effectively.  So the rest of Friday was great and I was recharged in being able to focus on what God was trying to teach me as I prepare to serve with Mercy Ships.  

On Saturday I was able to partake in my first silent retreat.  I was really excited to see what God was going to show me during this time. 'I will use you my child'  

During this time two scriptures really spoke to me: 2 timothy 2:21 and 2 timothy 3:16+17.  Now as most of you know it is reallllly hard for me to keep quiet.  Both of my parents and sister know this well and most of my friends and coworkers too.  Well these two passages talked about godless chatter (another weak spot of mine) and also to use the Word to help teach, correct, and train you to be able to do what God has called you to do.  

God definitely met my expectations during this retreat in silence with Him.

Driving home at the end of our little retreat I knew that these next few weeks would be challenging but as long as I’m putting God first He can help me through anything.  

Thank you for ALL your prayers they really do make a difference. You are all in my prayers! 


suzanne said...

The showers in the family dorm are a fantastic place to cry. People may wonder why you are showering in the middle of the day, but whatev's (not that I'm speaking from experience or anything) hah. Love you. Sounds like everything is exactly as it should be with 1 week down!

Shauna and Ben said...

Hey...thanks for your honesty! Glad your retreat time was meaningful. Well one good thing about the challenges right off the bat...no delusions about thinking you can do this on your own, right? Thank God for moms and praying friends! I'm commenting and then sending some prayers your way right now!

Jessica said...

Becca my love - just got home from vacation today and wanted to check up on you... I thought about you the whole week and prayed you were doing well in Texas (sorry we didn't get to chat before I left...) It sounds like there have been some bumps along the way but you are working through them - sounds like the Becca I know and love!!! I miss you and am here anytime if you need to talk :-) LOVE YOU!!!


SBOder said...

I have always enjoyed retreats of silence and the time to read God's Word and listen. It is hard to set that time aside and turn off other stimuli. Sound like God is really preparing you for an awesome adventure in service.
Eph 3:20 & 21 (paraphrased)
Now to Him who is able to outdo super abundantly above all that we ask, think, wish or dream, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Mom Taylor said...

We are all in the battle of the mind. I quote Cal Thomas, "The voice began seducing humanity a long time ago... The key to overcoming it is to realize you are fighting an adversarial force that wants to destroy you..." The battle is sometimes fierce. It's most fierce right as we are on the brink of doing something great for God. Just keep your eyes on Jesus and you will win. Every time. You are right where God wants you to be right now and He will help you win every battle. We love you so much Becca!

thomas-taylor said...

Sinclair Ferguson once shared that, as our days on earth draw to an end, we will likely shed tears, not for what we gave up in this life, but that we didn't do more in response to the love and grace we have been shown in Christ. You have chosen well!