So maybe the pics don't depict how I've been feeling but in all honesty this past week was A LOT harder then I had imagined. I expected that sitting in a classroom for 8 hours a day might be a bit much, I thought that the Texas heat might be a little distracting, and I figured that some days would be harder than others, but I didn't think I would have all these feelings on day #4 of my 6 week training. Eeek!
I knew I needed some prayers and fast. So I sent out an email to my Barnabas prayer group (miss you girls) asking for some prayers and then I immediately called my parents. Thankfully Mom was there and like usual was a listening ear and had some sound advice for me.
Feeling a little better I then had to rush off to another meeting from 630-9. At this point I was tired; tired of listening; tired of sitting; tired of the heat; tired of staying engaged; 100% tired. Once the meeting was over I headed right for the door. As I walked out one of our team leaders followed behind and asked me 'how I thought the week was going?' Again I was REALLY tired and bluntly told him that I was having a hard time keeping focus and was getting easily distracted and annoyed with things. Saying these things out loud made me realize how bad my attitude was and how much I needed to clean up my act.
That night I prayed for God to open my heart and mind so that I could understand what he was trying to teach me; I prayed for him to help me to ignore the many distractions and annoyances that kept popping into my head. The next morning I prayed these same prayers and then my day began. Ironically, the leader that I had talked to the night before was the first speaker and the subject was on prayer. He talked about having purposeful and meaningful prayers. He gave us a helpful guide of scriptures to walk us through our prayers.
I’m not going to lie at first I thought that this was pretty weird but then as I applied it to my prayer life I truly did feel like I was able to pray more effectively. So the rest of Friday was great and I was recharged in being able to focus on what God was trying to teach me as I prepare to serve with Mercy Ships.
On Saturday I was able to partake in my first silent retreat. I was really excited to see what God was going to show me during this time. 'I will use you my child'
During this time two scriptures really spoke to me: 2 timothy 2:21 and 2 timothy 3:16+17. Now as most of you know it is reallllly hard for me to keep quiet. Both of my parents and sister know this well and most of my friends and coworkers too. Well these two passages talked about godless chatter (another weak spot of mine) and also to use the Word to help teach, correct, and train you to be able to do what God has called you to do.
God definitely met my expectations during this retreat in silence with Him.
Driving home at the end of our little retreat I knew that these next few weeks would be challenging but as long as I’m putting God first He can help me through anything.
Thank you for ALL your prayers they really do make a difference. You are all in my prayers!
God of Justice, Savior to all
