|One of our 2 long flights|
We arrived on the 29th after a pretty uneventful journey. Hailey did great on the flights and even helped me get over one of my biggest fears, twice; Changing a poopy diaper on an airplane (thankfully there was no turbulence). Being back on the ship has been…. an adjustment. I knew it was going to be but I guess I didn’t really take into consideration ALL of the changes we’d be going through. One of the biggest things I didn’t really take into account was the big changes that Hailey would go through. She is definitely missing her family and friends from home.
The first week of being back on the ship had been hard. After serving on board as a nurse for over 3 years it’s weird to be back on a hospital ship and to instead be a 24/7 Mom (that can only hand over the pager if there’s enough milk available). Being a nurse and an educator is all I have known since coming to the Africa Mercy so to switch from being Nurse Becca to Mom Becca has been a BIG transition. As I walk by the hospital deck or see the patients waiting outside to be seen I feel disconnected and sad that I don’t have any of those connections compared to past outreaches. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a mom and being able to be with Hailey each day is a blessing but to be back on the ship and not having any patient care is hard.
One day last week as I sat quietly in my dark room hoping not to wake Hailey, my mind started mulling through all the big and small things that were troubling me: no nursing care, no health education, small living quarters, over stimulated baby, different food, no Nana-care, no Grandpa songs, no more running, no Dunkin Donuts pumpkin coffee with one sugar and extra milk. Anxiety had set in and had invaded all my thoughts. God why did you bring me back here?
As I sat, wallowing about my current situation, I decided to do my devotions. The passage was from Luke 10: 38-42. This is a familiar passage to myself and most likely to you as well but this time as I read it God spoke to me in a new way.
Luke 10: 38-42 Martha and Mary ~ Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
After reading this I realized just how much I am like Martha but also how much I like being Martha. I like to work and love to get out there and do. Go, go, go. When I came to Mercy Ships over three years ago I had signed up to be a nurse and fell in love. But this outreach I’ve returned and all the things that I have loved about being a part of this ship I no longer do. No patient care, no nursing duties, no teaching at churches or to dayworkers, no random trips out in town or to people’s houses. “But Martha was distracted with much serving.” Becca you are distracted by all these things, these tasks, these people, that you have lost sight of what is MOST important, Me.
Ouch, but true. Work is one of the ways that I find my identity. I have been trying to use my talents and abilities to please Him when all I have to do is be with Him to please Him. He is the one that has given me these abilities and he wants me to use them for his glory according to his time and not mine.
So what does Jesus want from me as I sit in this quiet dark room with my sleeping baby? He wants me to spend time listening to him and “sitting at his feet.” This can be a hard thing for a doer but I know when I do that the peace and joy he gives me will far outweigh that compared to when I do it without him in the forefront of my mind.
This is a new season for me on the ship as I transition from being nurse to Mom but I am excited to see what God has to show me. I can get so busy with things, tasks, and people that I don’t take quality time with my Lord and Savior. I want to choose the good portion that will not be taken away from me.
|Family trip out in Conakry|
|First family fire drill|
Jesus I pray that you will help me during this time to see you and only you in all I do. Help me to be a woman of prayer and to be the best Mom that I can be. Teach me more about who you are and who I am in you. Spirit move in me in ways that I have never seen you move before. I thank you and praise you Jesus for this time. To God be all the glory forever and ever. Amen!